I didn't have to fight my corner. I didn't walk away feeling frustrated, misunderstood, insignificant, unsupported and generally like I had spent the time banging my head off a brick wall. I felt like I was heard, and more importantly, understood. The lump in my throat is still there, the anxiety, guilt, relentless worrying, it's all still there. But there's such relief in knowing I'm not going to be left unsupported and trying to manage through circumstances that anyone would find difficult on my own. As for the guilt over my kids? LET HUBBY BE THE PARENT HE WANTS TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And allow myself to acknowledge that it's ok to take time for me, it's ok not to be 100% with the kids, in fact, that would be
really bad for all of us. The anxiety? Thinking about it constantly won't change it. Distract myself out of it if I can.
There's no comparison today with
how I felt yesterday. Yesterday I felt utterly overwhelmed and out of control. Today I feel like me again, bloody tired, but me. I realise it could, and quite likely will, flip back again just as quickly, but right now I'm really happy with where I'm at.