Today was a little challenging, although I knew it would be. After writing last night's post I stayed up far too late randomly wandering around the interweb, and then had a small visitor during the night so not enough sleep was had. But really, the main issue was the emotional fallout from yesterday's decision to take a break from Therapist for a few weeks, coupled with her non response (as entirely expected, I told her I'd be in touch) to my message about said break.
I had a plan. I wanted to come home, get into my jammies, light the fire, decorate the tree that we spent half the night assembling (our first ever artificial tree, jury's still out) and generally just relax and have some fun with my kids. Instead?? Well, we decorated the tree but it nearly resulted in marital breakdown - I may be something of a control freak when I have a notion in my head about how something should be - and the kids mostly either ignored the process or hampered it by bickering almost constantly and/or demanding food/tv etc etc etc. Also the house was in an absolute GIMP, and when I'm having a control freak moment that does not help. So, half way through the decorating I pretty much stormed out of the house (after a fair amount of stomping about muttering to myself and possibly throwing things) with the dogs in tow to try and walk off my mood. Shining example of the exact polar opposite of self control. I found this, which helped. A very small bit.
Afterwards? Afterwards I attempted to regain some semblance of calm by doing this:
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| Yes, this is on the wall in my sitting room |
Quite apart from the obvious Christmassing side of things, I find when I'm a bit all over the place that something quiet and repetitive like this helps. It makes me sit in one spot, and gives me just enough to concentrate on that it slows my mind down, without me really being aware that that's what's going on. So now? I'm feeling a touch better. I don't really want to let myself think about Therapist, or the next 4 weeks without her and the world of confused emotion that entails. Instead, I'm trying to focus on looking forward to some time off with my family, getting back east for a few days, and hopefully catching up with a few friends over the break as well.
I know I'll be ok, I reasonably confident they're won't be a crisis. I just need to give myself a couple of days to settle, same as
last time. Wouldn't you think I'd be used to it by now?!
Labels: agitation, anger, angst, bitchface, control, disordered thinking, therapist, triggers
