|So many it's not even funny. Serious headache territory|
Right now, I'm relatively calm, although I've yet again cancelled a coffee date (M, if you're reading this, so sorry but I am horrendously bad company right now). This morning - stressed to the hilt in the face of an epic tantrum on the part of my gorgeous girl. Last night? Meltdown. Of the snot and tears variety. Yesterday morning? Also snot and tears. In between? Bursts of intense rage. This is bloody hard going. Hubby tried to reassure me that a few quiet days this week will help. Ha! There is nothing, absolutely nothing, quiet about our life. Small people, full time jobs, Bitchface shouting in my ear? The only way I'm getting quiet right now is by locking myself up somewhere where no one can reach me, and as that's not exactly a viable option, I'm going to have to just go ahead and try and get a handle on this.
I'm seeing Therapist this evening. Timely. I'm seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow, also timely, although to be honest I'm not sure what they can say that will help, and that's assuming that I'm not starting all over again (again, again, again etc) with someone new. Give it a few more weeks?? Don't know if I can. But what's the alternative? More medication that may or may not work? More side effects? (Guaranteed, because if there's a 1 in 10000 chance of a really weird side effect, I'll be that 1)
So what can I do? Hang on I guess. Try and keep busy. Try not to lose focus. I want to say try not to be too hard on myself but that's getting increasingly challenging, although I guess that's probably the one I need to work on most. Mostly I just need to hang on and look after myself for a few more weeks, until we can properly establish whether this is in fact how I am off medication (and so probably try something new) or the dust settles and I can manage this myself without medication. Hoping against hope that the latter is how it'll go. Hubby once more is displaying the patience of a saint.