Friday, October 24, 2014

Memory lane

I had a really lovely moment the other day. I had to run into town with the kids, and as we were walking back to the car we passed the place I worked in when we first moved to Galway. Well actually, we passed where it was, because like so many others, it's now gone (Kenny's Bookshop for those who know Galway). Anyway, as we walked past, a couple of buskers were outside who have also been wandering Galway at least as long as I have, and it took me right back the ten years to when I used to work there.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A communal effort - we're proud of.........

Last week I posed a question on facebook - can you tell me just one thing you like about yourself, one thing you're proud of? We're all so, so good at listing off our faults that most of the time we forget to think of the good stuff. But for a brief moment, a few of you stopped and thought about something good, and then shared it. I'm really proud that you were able to do that, and that I was able to be a part of that. So without further ado, here is it: what the sunny scattered readers love about themselves:

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Give me your guilt

I want to try something. When I was with Therapist yesterday she set me a challenge - I'm to leave my guilt in her office until I see her again in two weeks time. You see, right now, I feel guilty about EVERYTHING, and I quite simply cannot do right for doing wrong. No matter what I do, I'm thinking about what I should  be doing instead. Even as I write this, guilt is hanging over me. I feel guilty for feeling guilty, it would be laughable if it wasn't such a monumental pain in my ass.

So, here's what I want to try. I'm going to do my best to leave guilt alone for the next 2 weeks and do what she suggested - every time I feel guilty about something, remind myself that it belongs in her office. But I'm thinking that this guilt isn't unique to me, so I thought we could try a communal giving up of guilt. Here's what I'm hoping - mail me, comment below, message on facebook, twitter, whatever way you see fit - but let me know what it is you feel guilty about, be it one big thing or a multitude of little things. I'm going to pull everything together, and then I'm going to fire it out into the interweb in the hope that we can get some relief from it. What do you think? Want to try?

I've no idea who David Roppo is/was but clearly an insightful individual

Monday, October 20, 2014

Awkward conversations

Today I had one of those conversations that I really, really don't like to have. You know, one of those where you have to admit out loud that things really aren't as awesome as we might like. So far, I've said it to Hubby, my folks and I've spoken about it with a few friends so I had to take the bull by the horns today and say it to my boss. Again. Again. It felt horrible, and I squirmed my way through the conversation, but fair dues to him, he didn't bat an eyelid. I'm incredibly lucky to be working for someone who treats this whole mental illness lark exactly the same way as he would a physical illness - tell me the problem, tell me what you need, I'll tell you what I can do, and we'll go from there. If things aren't working out, we'll talk again.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Thank you

I've been a really one sided blogger of late, I'm so sorry about that. Loads of you have mailed me, commented on posts, on facebook, on twitter, and I just haven't been able to get it together to respond to you. It's not really good enough, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support and insight, but my ability to focus on anything beyond necessities is shot lately. I'm so grateful to have had you with me throughout this insane journey, hopefully some of you will keep plodding along beside me. If I appear to have ignored your comment or contact, believe me, it's not deliberate and I cannot tell you how good it makes me feel every time I get a comment notification - it helps me know that no matter how bad things are, I'm not the only one. But, right now at least, I just don't have the wherewithal to do anything about it, and I'm sorry for that.

Effortful to some degree*

Head is mush this morning, absolute mush. Here's a list of everything I did not/do not want to do today:
  • get up
  • shower
  • get dressed
  • feed myself
  • sort the kids out 
  • go to work
  • get into the car

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Wonky chemistry?

So here's an interesting observation. Well maybe interesting is too strong a word, but it's something I noticed yesterday that isn't exactly awesome. Remember I was doing a fair bit of spinning over the summer and really enjoying it? But then about two weeks ago I tried a class that ended in a panic attack, tried one last week that was like a cruel and unusual form of torture as it followed on from a kettlebells class, and then last night.......well last night was pretty much just horrible. I stayed, I kept going, but my god was it tough. Every single fibre of my being wanted to stop, to leave, there was a constant loop running around my head saying 'just stop. Stop the bike, and go home'.

Guest post - It can be the simple things

Post for 'over to you', by Gabhain O’Donnabhain

It can incredibly difficult to be a young Irish male these days, let alone being a young Irish male living in a rural area with mental health issues. Without going into it in a whole lot of detail, I had a very traumatic upbringing, with major grief and loss on a personal level, to put it mildly, along with growing up in a household with addiction in it, I also survived stage 4 cancer. As I got older I tried and tried quite successfully to bury pretty much every memory of childhood that I could, almost to a stage where I was not sure if had very had a childhood.