Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Chance encounters

Earlier was horrible, really really horrible, following on from a horrible day yesterday. I made a big list of things I needed to, but didn't want to do. Some of them got done, some of them didn't. But, in the process of one (the shopping), a quick conversation with someone I don't know at all completely turned my day around. 

You see, part of what happens when I get into emotional overload is that I have a fairly predictable knee jerk reaction - walk away from everything. It's a typical bpd trait, that of all or nothing. I can see that now, but I couldn't earlier. It's similar to the reaction I had a couple of weeks back when the shit hit the fan at work. I question why I'm doing the blog, why I've taken on please talk, what I could possibly hope to achieve, how it's of benefit to anyone, it's just a drain on my energy etc etc etc. I get myself so tied up in knots that I completely lose perspective.

Guilt is back

Here's what I don't want to do today -
  • clean my kitchen, again
  • make a shopping list
  • do the shopping
  • fight with my kids over homework/tv/ds/chocolate blah blah blah
  • drive back into town at 9.30 this evening to collect Hubby from work
  • sort out car service
  • sort out ongoing financial crap

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Aaaaaaand crash

Yesterday was fantastic. I did an interview on TV3, which you can watch here for the next couple of days.

My partner in crime yesterday, Donal.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Cancel.....reschedule......walk away?

Something came up today which meant I may have to cancel Monday's session with Therapist. Shouldn't have been a big deal, she came back straight away and offered an alternative time which was a big bonus - usually it's impossible to reschedule. But then it got messy, because I wasn't sure whether or not I actually needed to cancel, and she wanted to know whether or not she could let my Monday slot go to someone else. I get this. It's logistics, I'm not her only client, she's busy, and she's good at her job, so no doubt has people waiting for a slot.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Another fine mess.......

It has been a MENTAL week. And I don't use that word lightly. I also realise it's only Wednesday, but I'm talking about the last 7 days which makes it technically a week.

So, it was my birthday last Thursday. Those of you on facebook might have picked up on that thanks to the efforts of a lovely friend, but honestly, that was pretty much the only good part of my day.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

This time two years ago

Writing has been part of my life for years, long before I ever started blogging. I used to write just for me, and at times, Therapist, because unless I wrote it down, I couldn't remember how things were for me between sessions. I was looking for something else entirely today when I came across this, it's something I wrote in the two days before I went on holiday to the psych unit. I've amended it slightly to take out references to names etc....

Monday, January 12, 2015

Catastrophising

Yes, it really is a word, and it's something I'm making an art form of the last few days. In case you don't want to go to all the effort of clicking over on the above link, let me explain it briefly with a few lovely examples that have come to mind the last few days:

Friday, January 9, 2015

Clear out

I did something today that I probably should have done about a year ago. I emptied my wardrobe of all the clothes I've been hanging onto 'just in case' I fit into them again. Turns out that's pretty much everything I own.