Friday, October 31, 2014

Yesterday

Yesterday was..........trying. Most important part of the day - appointment with my psychiatrist back in Oughterard at 11.15. But before that, I had to do the following: drop Hubby to work, go to Lidl and stock up on winter gear for the kids, NCT at 9.45, back to Oughterard, drop the kids off, appointment, collect kids, lunch, back into town for appointment for D at 3. What I didn't factor in was multiple sets of roadworks, a delay of an hour waiting on the NCT and a puking child. Oh, and running out of petrol while sitting in traffic at one of the aforementioned set of roadworks.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

On reflection

I'm to see my psychiatrist tomorrow, it's been about two months. As usual, I find myself at a loss to describe how things have been, so I sat down with Hubby to get his perspective, and see if it matches up with my own. I've also just read back over everything I've written since then. Apologies for how I'm going to do this, but this post is primarily to help me figure out what I'm going to say to her tomorrow, and this is the best way I can think to do it. Feel free to stop reading!

Monday, October 27, 2014

The college years

I had a long and really lovely chat with my Mam today. She had read my last post, and we talked about how much has changed in the last ten years, how much we've all changed. We talked about before my move west, long before, back to college. I've mentioned before that I'm pretty sure my mental health problems go at least as far back as college, if not school. She asked me a really simple question - why did I never say anything? There's an equally simple answer, and I touched on it in my last post. I had no clue anything was wrong.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Memory lane

I had a really lovely moment the other day. I had to run into town with the kids, and as we were walking back to the car we passed the place I worked in when we first moved to Galway. Well actually, we passed where it was, because like so many others, it's now gone (Kenny's Bookshop for those who know Galway). Anyway, as we walked past, a couple of buskers were outside who have also been wandering Galway at least as long as I have, and it took me right back the ten years to when I used to work there.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A communal effort - we're proud of.........

Last week I posed a question on facebook - can you tell me just one thing you like about yourself, one thing you're proud of? We're all so, so good at listing off our faults that most of the time we forget to think of the good stuff. But for a brief moment, a few of you stopped and thought about something good, and then shared it. I'm really proud that you were able to do that, and that I was able to be a part of that. So without further ado, here is it: what the sunny scattered readers love about themselves:

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Give me your guilt

I want to try something. When I was with Therapist yesterday she set me a challenge - I'm to leave my guilt in her office until I see her again in two weeks time. You see, right now, I feel guilty about EVERYTHING, and I quite simply cannot do right for doing wrong. No matter what I do, I'm thinking about what I should  be doing instead. Even as I write this, guilt is hanging over me. I feel guilty for feeling guilty, it would be laughable if it wasn't such a monumental pain in my ass.

So, here's what I want to try. I'm going to do my best to leave guilt alone for the next 2 weeks and do what she suggested - every time I feel guilty about something, remind myself that it belongs in her office. But I'm thinking that this guilt isn't unique to me, so I thought we could try a communal giving up of guilt. Here's what I'm hoping - mail me, comment below, message on facebook, twitter, whatever way you see fit - but let me know what it is you feel guilty about, be it one big thing or a multitude of little things. I'm going to pull everything together, and then I'm going to fire it out into the interweb in the hope that we can get some relief from it. What do you think? Want to try?

I've no idea who David Roppo is/was but clearly an insightful individual

Monday, October 20, 2014

Awkward conversations

Today I had one of those conversations that I really, really don't like to have. You know, one of those where you have to admit out loud that things really aren't as awesome as we might like. So far, I've said it to Hubby, my folks and I've spoken about it with a few friends so I had to take the bull by the horns today and say it to my boss. Again. Again. It felt horrible, and I squirmed my way through the conversation, but fair dues to him, he didn't bat an eyelid. I'm incredibly lucky to be working for someone who treats this whole mental illness lark exactly the same way as he would a physical illness - tell me the problem, tell me what you need, I'll tell you what I can do, and we'll go from there. If things aren't working out, we'll talk again.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Thank you

I've been a really one sided blogger of late, I'm so sorry about that. Loads of you have mailed me, commented on posts, on facebook, on twitter, and I just haven't been able to get it together to respond to you. It's not really good enough, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support and insight, but my ability to focus on anything beyond necessities is shot lately. I'm so grateful to have had you with me throughout this insane journey, hopefully some of you will keep plodding along beside me. If I appear to have ignored your comment or contact, believe me, it's not deliberate and I cannot tell you how good it makes me feel every time I get a comment notification - it helps me know that no matter how bad things are, I'm not the only one. But, right now at least, I just don't have the wherewithal to do anything about it, and I'm sorry for that.